


The One

by lindsey_grissom



Category: Will & Grace
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2006-06-18
Updated: 2007-05-21
Packaged: 2017-10-10 13:33:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindsey_grissom/pseuds/lindsey_grissom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Husbands Come and Go"</i>...but sometimes they come back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Everlasting thank yous to my beta's Courtney and Pamena. This fic is abandoned, for now. Heed the warnings, this gets dark.

_"I want to find The One."   
"And well you should, honey. How else are you going to get to The Two and The Three?"_

 

The Manse was quiet, the maids having returned to their rooms quickly for their only break of the day. The empty hallway was filled with some of the most expensive pieces of art, the only reason for their presence being the hints of red that flowed through them all and matched the deep wall paper. Up the hallway stairs, the long corridor contained a timeline of faces; walking from one end to another, one could almost watch the growth and development of the two Walker children, almost measure the increases in size Stanley Walker had gone through, but most amazingly of all, one could view a record of the aging of a woman professed to undergo treatments daily to stop that which could be plainly seen in the portraits on the wall.

A shrill laugh broke through the silence, followed by a slightly lower, but no less child-like giggle, the sounds coming from the room at the very end of the corridor, shut behind a heavy oak door.

Jack sat in the centre of Karen's bed, legs crossed, and hands deep in a large cardboard box. Items littered the bed around him; photographs, dusty teddy bears and pieces of old jewellery surrounded him, having been removed from the box, and thoroughly examined before being discarded.

Karen sat on a small chez lounge. Jack had already pushed her out of the bed once, and she didn't wish to become further acquainted with the carpet. A martini glass was held loosely in her hand, the contents almost gone, only a few drops and a single olive remained.

She watched as Jack became more and more excited with every object he discovered, and she wondered why she'd never thought to let him do this before. She placed her glass on the dressing table as Jack held up a small box and leant forward for a closer look, attempting to pull from her mind the identity of the object and the story behind it. There was always a story with every object in the box, it was what made Jack curious to see more.

"Ah, my old powder box. I used to have to take that with me everywhere when Lois and I travelled; it used to contain a really white base that I'd have to use when Mom'd say I was allergic to the sun." Jack nodded sympathetically, and Karen stood to pour herself another drink. The memories of her childhood with her Mother were still hard to talk about, not only because she hadn't for so many years.

Jack fell silent, staring straight at the newest object removed from the box. It was a small picture, the ends slightly crumpled and with several creases across the image, but he could still clearly see a young image of Karen, her body wrapped in the arms of a man he'd never seen before. Studying the small copy of Karen's face, he could just make out a tiny smile, nothing like those he'd seen both in person, and in the rest of the pictures he'd found. The man however had a large grin that spread almost from ear to ear, his gaze fixed firmly, almost possessively, on the woman in his arms.

"Kare, when was this taken? And who's the man with you?" Jack didn't remove his gaze from the picture until it was snatched sharply from him, and he looked up into the slightly pale face of his friend.

"I don't know Honey, I can't remember this at all. It's probably just some guy I once knew, nothing to be concerned about." She paused a moment, taking a large gulp of her drink and doing her best not to look at the picture again. "Are you done here Jackie? 'Cause we have an appointment for facials in an hour, and I still have to dress, and you still have to dress me." Jack nodded happily, lifting the mementos of Karen's life into his arms and bundling them back inside the box. Once done, he bounced from the bed, and placing Karen's once again empty glass on a side table, grabbed her hand and begun pulling her to her closet.

"You know Kare, you don't have any pictures from your first marriage to…what's his name; you know Saint-something." Jack continued into the closet, not noticing Karen slip from his grasp and move quickly and silently to a small drawer in her dressing table.

"Oh, don't I Honey? Probably just got lost somewhere, that's all." Opening the drawer she placed the photograph in face down, and shut it again quickly. Pulling a key from the pocket of her robe, she locked the drawer, before turning once again to join Jack in her closet, locking the memories in drawers of their own in her mind and heart.

Now she remembered why she'd never let Jack go through that box before, and she wondered how she'd ever forgotten.


	2. Curiosity Collides

_This is the day  
That everything changes  
And your worlds collide  
You know in time you'll wake to find you're  
A little unbroken_  
(Unbroken, Missy Higgins)

 

"Karen, why are we here? I thought we were going to Barneys this morning!" Jack stood near the office door, his arms folded and a frustrated pout on his lips as he watched Karen bend over Grace's desk.

"I know Honey, and we will be going, I just have to leave this note…A ha!" She broke off as she finally found a pen amongst the sea of fabric books and papers. "There we go, now, I'll just leave this for Grace, and we can be off." Karen brought the pen back to her own desk, and proceeded to hunt around once more, this time in search of some paper.

Jack watched on, confused by her behaviour. She didn't usually take so long to go out shopping. Moving closer to her, he slipped onto the desk beside the paper she'd begun writing on, and whined down at her. "Kare. You don't need to leave Grace a note. She knows you're never usually in anyway. Come on lets go. Unless…" He brightened up as an idea struck him. "Unless something else is going on here. You're not doing this for Grace…you're waiting for something to happen aren't you?" Seeing Karen's slightly guilty expression he bent forward, rubbing his nose against her neck. "Please tell Jackie what it is."

Karen smiled at his antics; he knew just how to beg to get what he wanted, but this time she was determined not to give in to him.

"Really Poodle, it's nothing. I just don't want to leave Grace wondering if I'll be in or not. You know I'm trying to be a better assistant. I made a promise to Grace, she said to start slow, so I figure if I let her know when I won't be in the office once a year, well that's making an effort isn't it."

Jack's expression changed to one of thought, his eyes darting around the room as though reading a large book. Karen watched in anticipation, hoping he'd buy her story, knowing that he most likely would, he was never very invested after all. Minutes passed, and with the note written, Karen began looking for the new Vogue. It could take Jack a while to process, and analyse what she'd said, she might as well do something productive with her time. Lifting a stack of designs that needed faxing, she pulled the magazine out, and started sifting through it.

She'd almost forgotten Jack's presence, lost as she was in a world of bags, beauty and bulimia, so when he jumped up with a squawk she almost fell off of her chair, only a surprisingly quick reflex saved her.

"I've got it, I've got it! You're trying to guilt Grace into wearing better clothes aren't you?" Jack's grin spread across his entire face, he knew he'd gotten her. This was the only thing that made real sense. Karen wouldn't really be trying to improve herself.

"Well Jack you've figured it out, you are just too smart for me." Karen smiled up at him to where he stood bouncing up and down in excitement. She'd let him think he'd figured her out; she only had to wait another fifteen minutes anyway. Fifteen minutes and then Grace's new 'crush' would be walking through the doors, intent on meeting Grace and Will. It was a chance she just could not miss. Grace had been so secretive of him; she'd even refused to allow Karen to see the designs for his house, so of course that had just made her more and more curious. Someone should have reminded her that curiosity killed the cat.

: ks :

"But, I mean, I really like him Will, and he's been giving me all the signs. He compliments my clothes, and Will; he loves my hair!"

Will stopped in the street, his mouth falling open in shock his eyes wide.

"He likes your hair? Really he likes that nest? Wow, it's serious. Ok, so let me get this straight; he's rich, not quite Karen, but from what you've described still pretty wealthy, he's good looking, and he likes the things in you other normal people don't. Grace why are we not already sleeping with him?" Will continued walking, leaving Grace to catch up with his long strides.

"**We** are not _dating_ him, because he hasn't asked yet, besides, I want to make sure I've completed re-decorating his townhouse before anything happens." At Will's confused look, she continued, her voice going low and barely more than a whisper. "Well, you know how my relationships end, he turns out to be gay, or expects me to do more than just lay there, we break up, he withdraws his money, and I'm left thousands of dollars in debt."

Will looked at her, considering for a moment, before nodding and pushing open the front doors. "Yeah I think you're right, best to tread with caution when it comes to you." At Grace's building look of anger, he hastily continued. "So where are we meeting this client? And you still haven't told me his name."

"We're meeting him in my office in about ten minutes so get that ass in gear." Grace proved her point by pushing Will, causing his head to connect with a thump with the still closed elevator doors. Pulling away he rubbed his forehead, his dark glares in her direction completely lost on Grace.

The doors opened with a ding causing Grace to rush past him, pressing the floor button before he'd even taken a step. Moving slowly forward, ignoring Graces own angry glares, he walked up beside her, leaning against the back wall.

"So, his name?" Grace looked at him in confusion for a moment, unsure of what the question was asking, her mind lost in the thought of her new client.

"Oh, his name is…" Her voice was cut off by the closing of the elevator doors, leaving the entrance hall quiet once again. The silence only remained for a moment, as the main doors opened allowing the entrance of another miss-matched couple, with glares all of their own.

: ks :

Grace entered her office first, stopping not far from the doorway when she found it to be occupied instead of empty as she'd expected. She felt Will move up behind her, and look at their friends. Jack had made himself comfortable on the pile of carpet samples stacked up against the far corner of the room, in his hands he held several brightly coloured tassels and a mirror. They watched as he brought each tassel up to his eyes, and studied his reflection, his mouth either forming a pout or a seductive smile, the expression determining whether the object was placed gently beside him, or flung carelessly across the room.

"I wouldn't even try thinking about what he wants them for." They both jumped as Karen's voice sounded from behind them. Turning, they saw as Karen continued to make herself a martini, placing the last olive in the glass with a flourish, before moving over to them. She looked up into Grace's eyes, barely giving any thought to Will's presence, and with a teasing smile asked; "So Honey, where's lover boy?"

Before Grace could answer, a new voice entered the room, the tone calm and collected, the sound smooth as chocolate over velvet, working a magic all of its own.

"I'm right here." There was a loud crash as a glass fell to the floor and shattered. A single olive rolled from the site through the spreading puddle of alcohol, leaving a liquid trail and disappearing beneath a cabinet.


	3. Unimportant Devil

_You look like an angel  
Walk like an angel  
Talk like an angel  
But I got wise  
You're the devil in disguise_  
(Devil in Disguise, Elvis Presley)

 

"Lucas!" Karen's voice had dropped in pitch, coming out lower than the others had every heard it. She watched warily as the man moved from the doorway to stand just in front of her.

"Hello again Karen." That smooth voice hadn't changed, and a small smile crept onto Lucas's face as he observed Karen's shock. It had been so long since he'd last seen her face to face. He found it gratifying to see that her reaction to him was everything he'd expected.

The others looked between the two with varying degrees of shock. Jack had recognized the man as soon as he'd seen him, though he'd been unable to place him. Until Karen had spoken his name of course. Standing and moving away from the tassels, he stepped up closer to the group, where Will and Grace stood seemingly frozen, watching the scene playing out in front of them.

Karen herself couldn't believe _this man_ was standing there, in her work place, coming to speak to her friends. She'd thought she had seen the last of him years ago, it scared her more than she liked to think to know he was suddenly back. Looking him over, from toe to head she had to admit that time had been good to him. He'd not lost his steady build, he was nothing like her Stan, his body far thinner, but he still had a strength that made her shiver to remember. Looking up into his face she saw an expression it had taken her years of therapy, and hundreds of nights lying unconscious after intense popping of pills, followed up by several bottles of her favorites to almost forget. But looking into that smug face now, she fought the memories and pulled her walls tightly around her, she wasn't the person she used to be, and she'd show him that.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Lucas took a small step back at the question, shocked; this wasn't the Karen he remembered. Before he could answer, Grace stepped forward, placing a hand on his arm and speaking directly to Karen.

"Karen this is my new client. The one I told you about. Now you two obviously know each other, so there's no need for introductions there. Did you meet at one of those fancy social dinners, or what?"

Lucas laughed allowed at Grace's assumption, the sound reverberating around the still room, causing all four friends to jump. "Oh no Grace, I've only just moved to the city, you know that, but it seems Karen has been here for quite a few years." There was something in his tone Karen didn't like, but she ignored it in favour of wondering what he would say to describe their prior relationship, she knew Grace would ask again; like a dog with a bone, and she knew that Lucas had planned his response that way.

"So then how do you two know each other?" By now Grace was confused and annoyed. This was supposed to have been about her, she should have been the one introducing Lucas to Will, not to Karen, and she was supposed to be the only one to know him. She hated when someone ruined her moments.

Karen took a mere seconds look at Lucas face and decided that she wasn't going to let him answer this time. Stepping forward, artfully avoiding the shards of glass on the floor, she pointed to Lucas with a steady hand, and spoke with a clear strong voice.

"Guys, this is Lucas St Croix…my ex-husband." She emphasised the 'ex' but she was sure that would be lost on all but Lucas. The room fell even quieter as Will, Jack and Grace stared between them in shock, this was a twist they hadn't been expecting. Jack was the first to recover, finally placing the pieces together, and remembering the day he'd been searching through Karen's photographs.

"Wait, you're the guy from that photo Kare had." He spoke with excitement, not noticing the grimace from Karen, nor the sly grin that spread across Lucas face.

"Keeping pictures of us Karen? And here I thought you'd have moved on by now, new husband and all." His focus appeared to be on Karen, but at the same time he observed the reactions of the others. Grace seemed focused on him only, her attention rarely moving to her friends. The man in the suit, he had yet to learn his name, he seemed to be finding the whole scene funny, and perhaps he liked to see Karen backed into a corner; that would be something to work with. But the other man, the one that had jumped around, and still held a bright pink tassel in his hand, now he seemed quite close to _his_ Kare, it would be interesting to see how deep that friendship went.

"Lucas I got over you years before I left you." Karen really didn't like the way this conversation was heading, she needed to get out of it, before it got worse, or before either of them said something that she really didn't want her friends to hear.

"Yes, I did have a slight suspicion. I think that's the only reason I could bare to let you go." His face fell, his mouth forming a slight pout and his eyes becoming hooded with an old sadness. He dropped his head to the floor, raising his eyes just a little to see Karen's reaction to this. Had he not been prepared, he would have laughed at the mix of anger and surprise on her face.

Karen couldn't believe her ears. She didn't know why he was saying those things, but she really didn't like it. He was making her out to be the bad person, and she sure as hell wasn't going to take that lying down. Not again. Pulling her mind back together, she plastered a large smile on her face, and in a sweet voice spoke to everyone in the room.

"If you don't mind, I'd just like to have a little talk with my ex-husband. Grace, I'll just borrow the swatch room for a moment."

Before anyone could protest she'd already turned and begun making her way to the back room.

Lucas turned an apologetic smile in Graces direction, and thoroughly enjoyed it when she blushed, before moving to follow Karen. Grace's voice stopped him in his tracks and he turned his head to look back at her.

"I don't know how she used to be, but if she starts biting, just beat her back. It usually works." Grace giggled at her own joke, not noticing the glint in Lucas's eye.

"Will do." He smiled before disappearing into the room, leaving the others staring after him, the door closing with a loud click.

: ks :

Karen was pacing up and down the small room when he entered, but at the sound of the door shutting she jumped to a halt, staring angrily in his direction.

"How dare you come waltzing back into my life and say those things in front of my friends! Who do you think you are?" Karen was far angrier then Lucas had seen her before, the sight sent a thrill through him that he'd been missing for far too long.

"What's the matter my dear, aren't you happy to see me? It's been such a long time." Lucas moved from the door to stand closer to Karen. Close enough to smell her perfume. Not the same as he was used to, he preferred the old scent to this new one.

Karen forced herself not to step backwards. He wasn't going to intimidate her, she was too angry for that.

"I'm not _your_ anything Lucas, I haven't been since the divorce. Now what the hell do you want? You can't honestly expect me to believe that you just happen to turn up again, and it's all a coincidence."

Lucas smiled down at Karen, bringing one hand up to stroke through the bangs that fell across her cheek. He ignored the shudder that passed over Karen's body at his touch; he'd long ago stopped noticing reactions like that.

"I want what I've always wanted Karen. To make sure you're happy. That's why I'm here, to ensure that your 'friends' treat you as you deserve."

Karen couldn't believe the things she was hearing. Since he'd first stepped through the office door she'd felt like she was in some warped reality. She was suddenly very aware of the drink she'd dropped. She needed that now.

"That's a lie and you know it! My friends treat me just fine, as does my Stanley, before you start on him. They're all much better than you ever were!" She was losing her temper fast, and a small part of her that still coward away from this man tried to remind her that it was a dangerous thing to do, but the rest of her wouldn't listen.

"Oh come on Karen, I never did anything you didn't deserve, and I never heard you complain or fight back, I think deep down you want to be treated the way I treat you. I gave you everything you wanted; you just had so much attitude. Something your new husband must struggle to put up with too now."

Karen had listened to enough, she didn't need the resurgence of memories Lucas was causing. "My husband loves me the way I am Lucas. He doesn't want me to change, that's one of things I love about him. Now if you excuse me, I have to go." A sudden thought struck her; Grace. Staring Lucas straight in the eyes she allowed all the pent up anger and rage she had in her to fill her voice. "I want you to leave Grace alone. She doesn't deserve you." With that Karen left the swatch room, leaving Lucas to watch after her, a pleased smile on his face, and an angry Grace who'd heard the last of Karen's words.

Lucas stepped out of the room himself, and watched as Karen grabbed her bag and coat, and left the office alone. Looking around at the others, his smile grew. He was going to enjoy his time in Manhattan, he could feel it, and when he left, he'd be taking everything he needed with him.

: ks :

Hours and countless martini's later, Karen swallowed yet another nameless drug, and shakily made her way to her bedroom. She passed the kids' rooms, peeping into each to make sure they were asleep. They had school the next day, and she knew she wouldn't be able to cope with Rosie's yelling at them if they overslept. Sneaking back out of Mason's doorway, she barely avoided tripping over the games consol he'd placed there. Holding on tight to the doorframe, she maneuvered around it, wondering how she'd missed it coming in.

Carrying on down the corridor, she eventually reached her own closed door, the absence of light beneath both the office door and her own told her Stan was already in there sleeping. Carefully pushing it open, she crept towards the bed, sliding the lace robe from her shoulders as she approached the bed, leaving it to fall in a pile on the floor. Slipping off her small slippers, she climbed up onto the large bed, settling beneath the covers beside her husband. She lay there in the dark a moment staring at the far wall through the darkness, wishing that her mind and body would let her sleep and forget.

Suddenly the bed moved, a loud creak following and she felt an arm slip across her waist, coming to rest on her stomach. Stan pressed his face into her neck, placing a soft kiss there, before pulling her back so that she lay against him, her head on his chest.

"How was your day Sweetheart." His voice was gruff with sleep, but still he managed to sound interested.

Snuggling deeper into him, Karen shrugged a little, her eyes falling shut. "Oh nothing important happened today Honey." Her breathing began to match Stan's and within minutes both had evened out in sleep, the days events forgotten in the safety of her husband's arms.


	4. Weakest Belief

_: You're only as strong as your weakest link :_

Grace sat at her desk; blue-prints for Lucas's townhouse spread around her, untouched. Her pencil entered and exited her mouth rhythmically, the end becoming more and more mangled from bite marks.

Above her head one could almost see a light bulb flash red as her thoughts circled and she became angrier. She'd had two days since finding out about Lucas's marriage to Karen, two days since she'd heard Karen say she didn't deserve him. And in those two days her mind had twisted the scene until she could see Malice in Karen's eyes as she said it, or imagine that she had been pushed up against Lucas at the time, her many curves working his body into believing her lies.

The clock above her head ticked, the minute hand passing twelve, the hour firmly set on eleven. At that moment the office door swung open and Karen came crashing in. Her sunglasses conflicting oddly with the black fur coat wrapped around her body.

She had too, had the weekend to get over her meeting with Lucas, and between the circus that was 'Family Picture Day' and her fully stocked liqueur cabinet she had quite easily convinced herself she'd forgotten. Which was why she could enter the office, drop her bag and coat and pour herself a drink without a thought to the previous week's events.

"Hey Honey. You would not believe the traffic out there. It's like the Christmas rush started three weeks early…" She trailed off as she sat at her desk, finally removing her glasses and catching Grace's expression. She hadn't realised that much anger, hatred and pain could be seen in a person's eyes. "What?"

When no answer cam, Karen rose from her seat, moving to stand beside Grace's stool. As she went to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, Grace jumped to her feet, causing Karen to rear back in shock, her hand still extended.

"I'm not good enough for him." Her voice was low, steady and sharp as any knife. With every word she took a step forwards, forcing Karen backwards until she hit the small wall beside the window. But still Grace continued.

"I don't deserve him." They stood almost nose to nose, Karen becoming slightly scared of the anger she could feel radiating off of Grace's body.

"Honey, what's going on? What's happening?" Her automatic response before; "Who don't you deserve? Who aren't you good enough for?"

"Lucas"

It is amazing, the power of words. With just that one, the carefully constructed mirror world Karen had created in her mind that weekend cracked. The centre of it splintering, the real world pushing itself through. The real memories flashed through and she saw herself spitting Grace's words at Lucas. Some of them anyway.

Snapping herself back to reality, she found Grace had not shifted, but had instead watched as Karen deflated, resting against the brick wall.

Pulling herself up, Karen looked Grace in the eyes, her own, she hoped, oozing sincerity. She wasn't an expressive person, so she'd had little practice to know exactly what her eyes could say.

Reaching out her hand, she grabbed hold of Grace's gripping them tightly, squeezing as she spoke.

"Grace, why would you think I'd tell…" Her voice caught for a moment, but it went unnoticed; "Lucas that you were not good enough for him?" Grace looked ready to interrupt, so Karen changed tact, thinking fast. "Honey, you remember my nephew Sumner?" At Grace's slight nod Karen continued, "Remember what I said in the balcony of that Opera House; that you were too special for him, well, Grace, that still holds true. I was married to Lucas long enough to know that he'd never appreciate you the way you deserve. He's a pretty face, with a lot of charm; I didn't want to see you fooled by him. Honestly, that's all there was to it."

Karen's eyes begged to be believed, and Grace felt some of her resistance slipping. Maybe Karen was telling the truth, maybe she had just got her wires crossed, but Grace was still unsure. There had been more going on in that room than a simple warning off of friends. Looking at Karen now, Grace decided to accept her explanation, even if below her surface she felt there was still more there. She liked Lucas, and Karen was too drunk and drugged to be a good judge of character.

"Ok Karen, I believe you, I must have just been hearing something that wasn't there." Grace smiled as surprise and relief spread across her assistant's face.

"Oh well, lets just forget it shall we? Say, why don't we go out for lunch, come on I'll take you to the restaurant you like, the one that serves fries with a side order of cow." Karen's relief was true, maybe she'd gotten through to Grace that Lucas wasn't to be trusted. Chuckling slightly she grabbed her coat and bag once more, and headed for the door.

"Sure Karen, that'd be great. You go hold the elevator door, I'll meet you there, I just have to send a message to a client." She watched as Karen blithely accepted the half lie, and left the office. When she was sure she was gone, Grace picked up her phone and pulled a folded post-it note out of her back pocket. Opening it and dialling the number on it, Grace waited for the beep of the answer machine.

"Hey Lucas, it's Grace…Grace Adler, um, just like to say, that the room plans are coming along great, but I wondered if you wanted to meet for lunch. You know, to discuss them some more…and other things. Anyway, if that's good for you, come by the office around two, I'll be in. Thanks, bye."

"Come on Grace! Get that lime green coated ass of yours out here!"

Smiling to herself, Grace replaced the paper back in her pocket and grabbed her own bag and coat. She wasn't going to pass up a perspective relationship just because Karen had problems with it. She was interested in Lucas, and she was pretty sure that interest was returned, and if Karen didn't like it, well, she'd just have to deal with it.

: ks :

The room was unusually silent when he walked in. Looking at Karen's desk he was surprised to find it empty. He'd come to surprise her, a nice meal for lunch, and then perhaps a little shopping trip together. Most didn't realise that Karen's regular shopping days often involved him, he rarely came up to meet her, he'd just find where she was, and join her there. But today, well it was special; they'd first met this day nearly 20 years ago. Unnerved by the silence, and wondering where Karen could be, Stan moved to look in the Swatch room, the office door opening as he disappeared into the other room.

Lucas looked around, surprised that Grace wasn't there. She'd said she would be, and he couldn't give up a chance to get to know Grace a little more. Moving to the side, he approached Karen's desk, knowing it for what it was by the presence of a pill box, and a stack of Vogue Magazines. There was little of a personal nature on the top of the desk, no family photographs, or children's drawings. But then, he knew Karen. If she had anything like that with her, it would not be in plain sight. Looking around the room once more, sure he was alone, Lucas pulled at the desk draw, surprised to find it unlocked. Shuffling through the empty bottles of prescription pills, and airline alcohol, Lucas's fingers found a slip of what felt like thin card. Pulling it out, he found himself looking at Karen's family. His eyes flickered over his Ex-wife's body, her curves showing through the conservative knee length skirt and turtle neck sweater she wore. Beside her, an arm around her back was, he assumed, her Step-son; Macy, Dawson…Mason. On her other side, also with an arm around her, was Stanley Walker, his large build and intimidating features some how softened with the beauty beside him. And on the end, tucked into her Father's arm, was Karen's Step-daughter, her outfit matching her Step-mother's in colour. Picture Perfect.

Lucas's hand tightened around the picture, causing the sides to curl and crumple. Bringing his second hand up, he stroked a finger across the two-dimensional image of Karen's face, lingering on her tiny cheek.

Hearing a noise from the back room, Lucas shot into action, shoving the picture into his pocket and slamming the draw closed with his hip, a grin plastered on his face, expecting Grace to walk out.

Stan closed the door behind him as he exited, returning his phone to his pocket, his wife having already rung off. He didn't expect to find anyone else in the office, and had he been Jack he would have jumped dramatically, clutching his chest and gasping for air. Instead he took the time to evaluate the man. He looked familiar. As a top businessman, Stan knew a lot of different people, sometimes only seeing them once before they were delegated to another employee to deal with, but this man; he didn't ring business bells, but Stan was sure he'd seen him before.

Both men stood watching each other, neither knowing what the others first move would be. Lucas knew this man, it was hard not to, and the picture of him burned in his pocket, still, he didn't know how much Karen had spoken about her past. Seeing Stan levelling him up, Lucas decided to test the water, see just how "perfect" that family really was.

"Hello, you must be Stanley Walker; I'm Lucas St Croix, pleasure to meet you." As he spoke, Lucas moved towards Stan, his hand outstretched.

Lucas St Croix. Stan knew that name, as well as he knew his own. His Kare's first husband. He didn't know everything about Karen's past, but he knew enough not to trust the man standing before him. Still, he was a good businessman, which meant he could hide behind a wall of professionalism without letting his personal feelings slip through. Something he'd learnt from his wife.

Grasping Lucas's hand he shook it firmly, hating the slick grin on Pretty Boy's face.

"Yes, Lucas, I have heard of you, though **my** wife rarely mentions you." The 'my' was clearly emphasised, and Stan moved to sit at Graces vacated desk, the action further expressing his power.

If the movement intimidated Lucas, he didn't show it, instead seating himself atop Karen's desk, enjoying the glint that flicked across Stan's eyes as he did so.

"Yes, well, if I remember **my** wife, she rarely talks about anything of consequence."

"I think you'll find that your **ex**-wife has changed a lot since she left you, all for the better I'm sure." Stan really didn't like Lucas, the man thought he could come here and tell him about his wife. The woman who had left him behind but who had been with Stan for ten years. No, Stan didn't like him at all.

Lucas looked around him idly, picking up the pill box and snapping the individual lids open and shut. "Really? And how many prescriptions is Karen on at the moment? I wouldn't call that a good change."

Barely controlling himself, Stan rose from the stool, approaching Lucas, who was forced to lean back to look him in the face.

"Karen's medical history is no concern of yours Mr St Croix. Whilst you were married, perhaps it was then, but you never were one to worry about her health, and anything Karen may or may not be on is a direct result of being married to you. I don't care why you're here, but I swear, if I hear you are anywhere near my wife again you will wish you'd never found her. Whatever you did to her in the past, you won't get away with while I'm around. Now I have a lunch date to keep. I hope for your sake, I never see you again." Stan left the office calmly, his step echoing in the corridor.

Lucas listened to him go, until he heard the too dings of the elevator doors, signalling their arrival and then their departure. Still staring at the place where Stan had last stood, a wide grin crept onto his face and didn't leave even as minutes later Grace rushed in, hair flying around and shopping bags in her hands. Her excuse was lost in the whirring of his thoughts. Karen had a fine protector. That would just make it much more interesting.

: ks:

They lay beside each other on the large bed; the silk sheets a twisted mass around them. Rosie had prepared the bed especially for the anniversary. Karen lent into Stan as she caught her breath, her naked skin sticking to his own, causing more friction with every inhalation. Stan brought his hand up to run through her dark tresses, loving the velvet feel of her hair slipping through his fingers. They'd had a lovely meal together, and he'd not wanted to ruin the mood of it by bringing up Lucas's presence in Grace's office. He'd intended to talk to her about it when they returned home, but they'd found something far better to occupy their time. Still, it needed addressing, somehow he knew that Karen had already known Lucas was in town, and it worried him that she'd not told him. Deciding that the best option was to just ask, Stan did just that.

"Kare, why didn't you tell me that you'd seen Lucas?" He felt her tense up instantly, and moved his second hand to rub up and down her back, trying to calm her slightly. He wasn't mad after all, just worried.

Karen froze at the mention of Lucas, and though she appreciated Stan's soothing motions, they did little to quiet her racing thoughts. Questions filled her head; how did he know? Did he meet Lucas? What did Lucas say? Finally, unable to stay silent any longer, Karen raised herself up until she was sitting on her knees beside her husband, leaning over him slightly as her back slumped.

"I didn't want to worry you. He came into the office. He's Grace's new client, can you believe that? Of all the designers in New York he picks Grace. I spoke to him, told him to stay away, and then I tried to forget him. I was going to tell you Stanley, but I just…I just wanted to forget him, I thought he'd be gone soon enough anyway." Looking into her husbands hazel eyes, mesmerised for a moment by the mix of colour, she appealed to him to believe her. With a slight nod, she knew that he did, and she bent down to place a soft kiss to his nose, giggling at his hearty chuckle, squealing as he grasped her waist and swung her onto her back, hovering over her.

"Well Mrs Walker, I believe you, but you still kept it from me, now, what ever are you going to do to make it up to me?"

Karen smiled up at him; her cheeks flushed, and brought one red lip between her teeth, worrying it slightly. "Oh Mr Walker, I'm sure we can think of something."


	5. Memory of Fallen Angels

_You say I'm no angel  
Tryna put the past behind  
So now I try to find  
A place to leave all  
The memories in my mind_  
(Story of My Life, Kristian Leontiou)

 

"You know Grace, this is the third dinner we've had this week to discuss the plans for my house. Either you're not as good as they say you are, or there's something else behind these…dates."

Grace shifted slightly in the carved wooden chair, tossing her hair and smiling slyly. Lucas's voice never failed to set her skin on fire. "Oh no, I'm good…" Her voice dropped low; "I'm very good. But I needed an excuse to get you out to dinner with me."

Lucas smiled into his glass of wine. Grace was cute in a stick-thin, red-head kind of way, he'd always been partial to curvy brunettes himself, but he was willing to look outside the box just this once.

"Well, there is no need to make an excuse in future. I think it's my turn to take you out Grace. Perhaps a nice expensive restaurant, where even the steaks wear suits followed by a late play. How does that sound?"

Grace's smile seemed as though it would split her face. Lucas was a perfect gentleman. "I don't know what Karen's problem is." It was muttered to herself, but Lucas heard it.

"Pardon?" His question startled Grace and she tried to back up, not wanting to bring Karen into the conversation.

"Oh um, yes that sounds lovely. I'm looking forward to it." She looked shyly at him, hoping against hope that he'd buy it, knowing he wouldn't.

"No, what you said about Karen? About her having a problem? Has she said something to you?" Lucas was sitting straight up in his seat now, very interested in what Karen may or may not have said. He'd counted on Karen's love of privacy; surely he hadn't overestimated her extreme dislike of dragging up the past.

Knowing she was cornered, Grace gave in; slightly curious as to whether Lucas may know what was behind Karen's words, and whether he'd tell her.

"Well, I overheard you two talking that day in the office, when she said I didn't deserve you."

No less worried, Lucas prompted Grace. "And I'm assuming you confronted her. I know I would have."

"Yes, I did, she said some stuff about how you wouldn't treat me the way I should be treated. Which is so obviously wrong. I guess she really is jealous. And she calls herself my friend!" Grace was too lost in thought to notice how Lucas's whole demeanor changed. He slumped back into his seat and watched Grace, a triumphant smile on his lips. He could see that with Grace, it would take far less persuasion than he'd thought. There was no loyalty there for Karen. That he could work with.

Noticing Grace's attention returning to himself, Lucas brought a slight frown to his face, glancing down to look at his folded hands.

"For Karen it's all about ownership. If she wanted you she got you and she wouldn't let you go incase someone else wanted you too. I was drawn to her fire, she had such a wonderful spirit and I wanted to look deeper, to uncover the part of herself she never showed anyone, because I knew there had to be something more there. I fell for her pretty quickly, which, looking back was probably the worse thing I could do. But you know what they say about hindsight. Anyway, she seemed to like me enough, we shared a lot of laughs, and then I proposed. It was so romantic, on a river late at night, I bent on one knee and gave her the ring. It was a very nice ring…I think that's the only part Karen remembers now; the ring. She accepted and we were married in a little ceremony in Vegas. Her idea, not mine, I wanted a big white wedding, but, you know Karen."

Lucas paused here, lifting his shoulders in a heavy shrug as he sighed deeply, taking the time to study his audience. Grace was enthralled. Her attention fully on Lucas and his tale. Behind her eyes, Lucas could see her image of Karen reshaping, becoming something he would be sure to nurture.

"We seemed to get along ok, but then Karen started drinking, and I found out later she'd started taking drugs too. I tried to help her any way I could, but she pushed me away. Then, that last night, when I was sitting in our living room, staring at the wall, wondering what I could do for her, she walked out of our bedroom, her bags packed, and she left me. Just walked out of the door, without a word. It hurt but eventually I had to admit that she'd gotten bored with me and had moved on. It was best for us both in the long run, I mean, she did me a favor, she obviously wasn't the type of woman I thought she was. Still I missed her for the longest time. And then I got over her, I moved on. And seeing her last week…it hurt, but you know, I really am over her. I think it's about time I found someone new." At this, Lucas reached over the table and pulled one of Grace's hands in to his. "And I think I want that someone to be you Grace."

At his words, Grace's heart stopped. This man, this poor, mistreated, lovely man wanted her. She couldn't believe that Karen could have been so cold and spiteful. Well, she could believe it, she did believe it, she just couldn't believe she'd not seen it sooner, after all, she knew Karen, didn't she? Smiling back at Lucas, Grace gave her hair a little flick. Just wait until Will heard about this. He'd been right about Karen all along.

: ks :

The elevator doors hardly made a noise as they slipped closed behind her, and Karen wondered idly whether she should get Grace to call someone about it. Deciding that that sounded like she cared, she shrugged, glaring at the doors slightly, and put the whole thing out of her mind.

Making her way towards the office door, she was surprised to find it closed. Grace never closed the door unless she was in a meeting with a client, or she was eating. And while it wouldn't be unusual for Grace to be eating at…Karen checked her watch; ten thirty, as she stepped closer she could hear voices within the office. Curious, and hoping to kill some time, she was early after all; Karen gently turned the door knob, pressing herself tight against the wall, and pushed the door open, until she could clearly hear the words being said through the sliver of a gap.

"…but can you believe that Will? I mean really." Grace's voice sounded angry, and Karen wondered for a moment who could have done something to ruin the happy mood she'd had recently.

"Yes Grace, I can believe it, and not only because you've been telling me over and over again since you got home from your date last night." She identified the frustrated voice as Will, and began to wonder what this was all about.

"I know, but Will, even I was a little surprised when he told me. I know Karen can be selfish and inconsiderate, but what Lucas said, Will, she's just down right evil!" Karen's heart seemed to stop for a moment, and she wished that she'd never gotten off that silent elevator, she could have lived quite happily not knowing how Grace thought of her. A thought nagged at her, and she suddenly remembered Grace's mention of Lucas. Pieces started falling into place in her mind as she continued to listen in, not really wanting to, but unable, or unwilling to move away.

"Oh come on Grace, this is Karen. So okay, we didn't think she could be that bad, but you've heard the way she talks about Stan, and she's still with him. It stands to reason that she'd treat a man she actually left, far worse." Karen's anger and fear grew at the mention of Stan, she loved her husband, no matter what others believed. But Lucas had obviously told Grace something, something that had Grace and Will convinced she was evil incarnate.

"He looked so heartbroken Will, you didn't see him, when he spoke of _her_…" She spat the word and Karen felt herself flinch involuntarily. "His eyes looked so distant like he was back there in his memories. I think he's over her now, but the pain's still there. But then, the way she left him, without even saying goodbye, I'm not surprised."

Karen stopped listening, Grace's words had pulled at her mind, ripping open doors she'd locked long ago, the painful times chained within broke free and flooded her conscious.

**Slap**

_"You ungrateful little bitch"  
Her cheek stung, blood dripping into her mouth, but still she didn't look away, knowing he'd only hurt her more if she did._

**Thump**

_Pain exploded in her stomach, her body wanted to double up, but she couldn't, he hated when she was weak.  
"Do you like this Karen? Do you? Does it make you happy when I'm forced to punish you, when I have to play the bad guy?"  
Don't answer, don't say a word, keep quite and don't look away from those angry eyes._

**Crash**

_Her head hit the coffee table first, followed by the rest of her body, the glass shards cut through the cotton dress, the nice blue one she'd only bought a few days ago, now she'd have to buy a new one.  
Why can't you just be good? Then I wouldn't be forced to punish you. You know I hate to do this, but you're so bad all the time."_

**Kick**

_She'd broken the golden rule, she'd looked away from him, and so she deserved the kick when it came, and she took the blow to her chest without a thought. He hated to do this to her, so why could she not be better, why couldn't she stop forcing him to hurt her?_

**Squeeze**

_She felt the bones in her wrist bend with his grip, and held in a whimper as he dragged her to her feet, pain was weakness, weakness wasn't acceptable.  
"Tidy yourself up Karen, you're a wreck. And then I want this place cleaned immediately, you know how hard it is to remove your blood from the carpet once it's dried, and we've already had it changed three times this year because you weren't fast enough."_

**Slam**

_The toothbrushes fell to the floor as the bathroom door shut. She lay were she'd landed, catching her breath. Standing she grabbed a wash cloth and wiped away the blood from her face, her arms, her legs. She didn't look at herself; she knew where the blood would be. She couldn't remember what she looked like, it'd been so long since she'd looked in a mirror, but Lucas said she was ugly, so she didn't want to see.  
Glass removed, blood washed away, she left the bathroom and began cleaning the room. Stopping only once, she brought a hand up to her cheek, but let it drop in frustration. The tears had stopped falling years ago, but the reflex to wipe them away never left..._

"Ok Grace, I really should get going, I actually have work to do, unlike some people I know"

The sound of Will's voice moving closer yanked Karen back from her memories, and giving once last shudder she pulled away from the door, turning quickly and heading for the elevator, pressing the button and begging the doors to open quickly.

Thanking her stars as the doors slid wide just as Grace's door flew open and Will stepped out, Karen turned so she faced him and made to walk past, looking for all the world as though she'd just arrived. Had Will been paying attention he would have seen the cold sheen of sweat on her bare skin, he'd have wondered about that when the weather outside looked ready for snow, but he didn't.

"Wilma." Karen nodded in greeting as she passed him.

"Cruella." And this time there was no humour behind the name.

: ks:

She checked the paper again, looking up to the number on the door and finding it matching that on the notepad, as it had the last ten times she's looked.

It had been tense in the office that day; Grace hadn't spoken more than had been absolutely necessary, making sure to meet as many clients as she could away from the office. Eventually Karen had giving up any attempts at conversation, and had instead, left work and gotten in touch with Private Detective. She needed to see Lucas, and she needed to see him now.

So here she was, standing outside his apartment, clasping her bag in one hand, and the Detective's note in the other, trying to find the courage in herself that had made her think she could do this. Maybe she should just forget it, go home to her husband, drown herself in the liquorcabinet and pretend she'd never heard of Lucas or Grace or Will. Even as she thought it, her heart revolted. She wasn't weak like that. Not anymore.

Taking a deep breath she raised her hand to the door and knocked, strong and clear, her jaw gritted and her back straight. She didn't flinch when it swung open, she didn't wince when Lucas's smug face came into view, and when he invited her in with a Cheshire-cat grin, she strode through the door with purpose and determination; she was strong, he couldn't hurt her now.

"I thought I told you to stay away from Grace." Karen said without preamble. She didn't come here for the small talk, she wanted Lucas out of her life again.

"Nice to see you too Karen, yes this is my new home, I'm glad you like it, why don't you take a seat, can I offer you a drink?" The laughter in his voice caused her to bristle and she walked towards him until she was only a few feet away.

"This isn't a joke Lucas. I told you to stay away from my friend, and then I hear that you've been to dinner with her and are pouring her lies about our marriage. How dare you think you can come here and turn my friends away from me! You know what, I don't even care what you're here for, what you want, because it doesn't matter you won't get it. You're a bastard Lucas, you always were and you always will be, and I'm going to make sure Grace knows that, I'm going to make sure they all know that. Your parents should have killed you the moment you were born!"

She hadn't expected the slap, and when it came the force sent her falling to the floor, her head snapping to the side, and her back catching the edge of the bookcase. She sat there stunned, as Lucas loomed above her glaring.

"Don't you ever talk about my parents you stupid Slut. At least my parent's wanted me. Your Father died just to get away from you, and your Mother…I don't really need to remind you of her do I?"

Kare stared at him, getting angrier with every word, but she knew it was right, not about her Father, he'd loved her, but her Mother…she cursed herself for ever trusting this monster.

"I know you Karen, I know your past, and I know all about your friends and family, and they're no good for you. They don't love you the way I did, they don't treat you the way they should. But they will, by the time I'm finished they will." He bent down and grabbed her wrist, pulling her up. He handed her her bag, and guided her to the door.

"Now go home, talk to your kids, kiss your husband, and drink this scene away. I'll see you soon Karen. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, and neither are you." The door opened and he pushed her out into the corridor. Just before he shut the door he called out to her. "Oh and about Grace. She's such a good woman, and she really likes me, it would be such a shame to pass up that opportunity now wouldn't it?" The lock clicked in place and Karen was left in silence, staring blankly at the wall opposite her. Her cheek stung and she raised her hand to it, surprised to find it wet. Bringing her fingers up to her eyes, she looked at the clear moisture covering them. Pulling out a white tissue from her bag she wiped the tears from her fingers and headed for the elevator. Karen Walker did not cry. Karen Delaney had cried once, but she'd died...right around the time Karen St Croix had been created.


	6. Offers Of Lost Faith

_She's losing her mind  
She's fallen behind  
She can't find her place  
She's losing her faith  
She's fallen from grace  
She's all over the place_  
(Nobody's Home, Avril Lavigne)

 

The cut looked huge in the little mirror. The skin appearing grazed and red around it. Karen continued to hold her top up, twisting her torso from the waist, so as to see her back clearly. Through her eyes she could see a maze of raised lines, criss-crossing the silky skin, a blink, and the image was gone, replaced once more with her smooth blemish free skin. Blemish free, save for the cut that now spread across her spine. It was amazing the damage a small table could do.

A noise sounded outside the bathroom, and in a skilled movement, Karen pulled her top down, span around and, grabbing a slightly wet towel, twisted it around her dry hair.

"Miss Karen?" Rosario called into her employer's room, expecting to find her seated at her dressing table, perfectly coifed as usual. It was only rarely that one found Miss Karen unready at ten in the morning. Regardless of what others said, the Salvadorian knew that the Mistress of the house hated being undressed later than nine. So it was with great surprise that Rosario watched as Karen exited the bathroom, towel in place and clothing slightly twisted.

"What you got there, Ro-Ro?" Karen's voice broke the maids shock, and she looked down at the bouquet she held in her hand.

"These came for you Miss Karen."

Karen stared at the bunch of flowers, the blood red roses and snow white lilies. Only one man had ever bought her such a mix. Those flowers had long ago fallen from her favourite. Her eyes glazed, as her mind showed her images of crystal glass on cream walls.

_Flowers blood red, and red blood._

_White lilies; the perfect place to land._

_Thorns imbedded in existing wounds, twisting deep before ripping free._

_Skin on skin, hard and fast._

_A slap on the cheek, a cut on the lip._

_ **Stand up, look forward, don't break.** _

_Karen. Karen…_

"…Karen? Miss Karen?" Karen jumped at her Maid's voice and looked at her guiltily, ashamed to have drifted so far.

"Sorry Rosie, got a little lost there. Why don't you take those flowers for your room…they'd look out of place here you know that."

Rosario looked at her a moment, unsure of Karen's behavior. A few seconds passed, neither woman looking away from the other, until Karen painted a smile on her face, and Rosario gave a slight nod.

"Thank you Miss Karen. Is that all?" At Karen's own nod, Rosario moved to leave the room. Catching the smallest glint of card, she turned back to her employer, holding out the label. "Came with the flowers." And she left the room, no longer holding the card, and missing the look that passed across Karen's face as she read it. She'd long ago given up trying to understand Karen's moods; they were as flighty as the weather.

The sound of the door closing behind Rosario snapped Karen into action. Tossing the card into the waste bin in disgust, she pulled the towel from her head, her hair falling down perfectly into place, and grabbing a bag and shoes made her way out of the room. She wanted to see Jack. A little harmless fun, that's what she needed, and no mention of Lucas. Jack would be perfect.

The door closed once more, the room falling silent. A strong breeze through the open window blew the still pulled curtains open wide, rustling the papers on the small cabinet. A lipstick slipped over, rolling on its side until it reached the edge. Tumbling, it landed with an unheard tap, bouncing off the edge of the bin to land within. Finally coming to a stop, it lay atop the white rectangle of card, its embossed words standing out for the air to read.

** _Mine Always._ **

: ks :

The elevator dinged as she walked out, and Karen reflected for a moment on just how often that sound reached her ears, she wondered if she'd still be hearing the high-pitched ring echoing in her ears on her death bed. Shaking her head and laughing aloud she continued on to Jack's door. Like she was ever going to die! Perhaps instead she should wonder at the power elevators had on making her over think everything.

Reaching the door she thought about knocking, but it was so much more fun to just burst in on Jack. One never knew what he might be up to, and sometimes it was simply his reactions to her intrusion that sent her into fits of giggles. She could use a good laugh today.

She reached into her purse, shuffling the contents around as she searched for her large ring of keys. Not finding them, Karen placed the bag on the small table by the wall and begun searching in earnest, her head down, tongue poking through her lips in concentration.

"Ah ha!" She pulled up in triumph, arms high and the keys jingling in the air. In that moment the door behind her opened and two men stepped out. Karen spun around, a slight pout on her lips; her surprise was ruined, but upon seeing who had excited the apartment with Jack, she dropped her keys, the sound of them crashing to the floor echoing down the corridor.

"Hey Karebear! What are you doing here?" Jack asked as he approached Karen, pulling her into a tight hug. He didn't notice that she made no move to reciprocate. Instead her eyes were locked on Lucas, who was bending to retrieve her fallen keys.

"Here you are Karen." He held them out, a smile on his face, and her hand automatically reached for them. When they were once more held in her own hand, Karen tilted her head and looked to Jack.

"Jackie, why's he here?" She hoped for an answer along the lines of; _'he just came round and I'm sending him away'_, but as Jack's face lit up with an enormous smile her hope died once more.

"Kare you won't believe what Lucas has just said. He's gotten me a job! A real life job on television. I have to play a straight guy with a wife, but I'll just close my eyes and pretend it's Kevin Bacon and it'll be ok. Can you believe it Karen? I'm going to be on TV!" Jack was so excited, and even as Karen's heart stopped, she found herself bouncing up and down with him, congratulating him.

The moment was broken when Lucas spoke, his voice closer to Karen than she'd expected, and she looked up to find him only inches away from her as he headed for the elevator.

"Well, I best get going. It was great seeing you and Karen, and Jack I'll be in touch, my friend will probably want to meet with you in the next few days, so I'll let you know." Before Karen could object, Lucas had disappeared, the doors sliding closed in front of him. She looked back at Jack and was horrified at the look of admiration on his face. Usually she only saw that face when he was watch Cher, or when she'd bought him something he'd really wanted. But now it wasn't her he was looking at, but the place where her ex-husband had stood. She couldn't believe that Lucas was penetrating her little group of friends so easily. He'd already gotten to Grace, and now her Jackie. Well, she wasn't going to give in without a fight. Not this time.

Just then Jack seemed to snap out of his daze, and grabbing her by the arm, he pulled Karen into his apartment, all the time telling her how great Lucas was, and how amazing he was to do this for him. Karen just nodded in shock. Surely she still had a chance.

:ks:

The Manse was quiet when she entered hours later. Her head was pounding, and she slipped off her heels, not needing the clicking of them on the floor to hurt her more. Walking bare foot across the hallway, she headed straight for the liqueur cabinet in the Living room. She'd drunk all she could at Jack's, but his collection was limited, and she hadn't been able to stop. Seeing Lucas come out of the one place she was sure he wouldn't be had sent her mind and body into a state of shock that she knew only to handle with alcohol, and more alcohol.

Reaching into the deep cupboard, Karen pulled out a large almost full bottle of Vodka. She unscrewed the lid and brought the neck to her lips. Gulping down the clear liquid, she once again reached into the cabinet. Pushing aside bottles of the finest Scotch and Whisky her hand finally clasped around a small plastic container, pulling it out, she brought the pill bottle u in front of her, attempting to read the small letters in her addled state.

The letters swam before her eyes, a blur of blue and black, until she finally gave up and poured a handful of the little white pills into her mouth. What did it matter what they were really? Swallowing them down with another gulp of Vodka, Karen pulled herself away from the cabinet, leaving the two almost empty bottles behind her. Winding her way towards the door, her only thoughts were on getting upstairs to her room before she collapsed.

If she'd been able to, she could have congratulated herself on how thoroughly she'd wiped Lucas, and any event of the day from her mind. Instead she simply focused on using the banister to drag herself up one winding step at a time without falling down. It wouldn't do for a maid to find her the next morning passed out on the staircase. She had an image to uphold after all. A cold, unfeeling, inhuman image.

Finally reaching the top floor, she staggered her way down the corridor, the images of herself and her family seeming to sneer down at her from out of their hung frames. She didn't notice that the always closed door of her bedroom was open, nor that there as a large bump beneath the sheets of her bed.

She bent to take off her heels, only to realise shed removed them some time ago. She giggled at her own mistake, the movement sending her unstable body to the floor. The figure in the bed awoke at the noise, instantly feeling beside them for the body that should have been there.

Not finding anything but mattress, Stan sat up, blinking back the sleep in his eyes, and squinting in the darkness to find the source of the noise and the location of his wife. He found them both in a pile on the carpeted floor, making no movement to stand.

Sighing, he made his way over to Karen, concern etched on ever feature of his face. He'd not seen her in such a state for a long time. Reaching her, the smell of alcohol oozed from her body, filling his nostrils and making him feel slightly lightheaded.

"Kare? Sweetheart are you okay?" His voice was still gravely from being so rudely awoken, and slowly Karen's head came up to look at him, a large smile spreading across her mouth.

"Hello Ssstanley!" He reared back in shock, he couldn't remember a time when Karen had drunk enough that her words were slurred, and yet here she was grinning up at him, her words coming out all wrong. Something wasn't right.

Stan bent down, and lifted Karen to her feet, keeping one arm locked securely around her waist to hold her up.

Karen watched hazily as he undid the buttons on her top, pulling it up and off of her. She lent in against him, pressing her lips to his neck sloppily.

"I love you Stanleyy, yes I do."

Stan looked at her, half pity half fear. What had happened to his Kare? Unable to look at her glazed eyes staring up at him, he promptly turned her until her back faced him, and began unzipping her black skirt. His fingers brushed the base of her spine and he was surprised to hear Karen draw in a sharp breath and try to push away. Concerned, it wasn't something he'd expected, Stan ran his fingers of the spot again, lightly brushing against her skin. Her raised, ragged skin.

In a quick movement, his arms left Karen and he ran to turn on the nearest light. He made it back to his wife before her legs gave out, and he held onto her once more, seeing her for the first time in full light. Moving his gaze down to the patch of skin, his eyes were met with the sight of an inflamed cut. Turning Karen once more, he looked her in the eyes as he asked a question that under normal circumstances would remain unanswered.

"Karen, where did you get this cut?" Karen's brow furrowed in thought, and her unconscious provided the answer for her, without her mind truly knowing what was happening.

"Coffee table." Her eyes slipped shut slowly, a moment's gap and then they opened again. Looking to Stan like a prolonged blink. Knowing he'd get nothing more out of her now, Stan continued removing her skirt until it fell in a heap at her feet. Carefully drawing her to him, Stan hooked one arm behind her legs, the other not leaving it's position around her waist, and in on smooth movement he lifted Karen up. Effortlessly he moved back to the bed, feeling Karen's head drop and rest against his bare chest, her breaths puffing air against his skin. She looked so peaceful; dark hair falling across her face slightly, lips partly open, long eyelashes resting against her cheeks. She was his angel; his fallen, misguided angel.

He placed her gently on the large bed, pulling the covers up tight around her almost bare form. There was little point in dressing her in night wear, not when she was already asleep.

Stan slid in beside her and pulled her close, burying his face in her hair, and wrapping his arm around her once more. Beneath the alcohol he could smell the unique scent of his wife, and taking a deep breath of it, he allowed his own eyes to slip closed. There would be time enough tomorrow to find out what had happened, but tonight in that bed there was just the two of them and a long needed respite.


	7. Evil Prosperity

_All it takes for evil to prosper is for good men to do nothing._  
(Edmund Burke)

 

"Stanley would you just drop it! What does it matter anyway? You've seen me that way before, why are you making such a big deal out of it now? Okay so I had been drinking, does that really surprise you?" Karen's voice traveled out of the large closet to where Stan stood buttoning his shirt.

"Dammit Karen! I'm worried about you! You haven't been that drunk since before we got married. You come stumbling into the room that late at night and then expect me to believe nothing is wrong? How stupid do you think I am?" Stan stopped, holding out his hand. "Don't answer that."

Karen exited the closet, a sling back in one hand, the fingers of the other rubbing her temple. Limping up to Stan she waved the shoe threateningly, barely missing his chest.

"There is nothing wrong. I just got a little carried away and I'd rather like to forget about it, thank you very much." She backed away from him and headed for the small intercom system. "Rosie! Where the hell is the Nurofen?" There were some muffled words from the other end and Stan continued to dress, watching the scene with slight amusement. "I don't want to hear it lady! Now shift it! I'm not paying you to give me excuses."

Karen slammed her fist against the small button, cutting off her maid's colorful response. She rhythmically rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to disperse the tension the old fashioned way.

"Maybe if you had kept away from the drugs in the first place, you wouldn't be feeling like this." The words were muttered under Stan's breath, but Karen's head shot up and she looked at him in warning.

"Stanley."

"I'm just saying Kare, that if you hadn't gotten carried away last night we wouldn't be here now arguing." His voice rose slightly in frustration, this wasn't even the main point, he just wanted to know where she'd gotten that cut, the image of which was still burnt in his mind.

"We are not arguing!" Karen's voice rose too, her hands flying up to emphasis her point.

"Yes we are!"

The two stared at each other in silence a moment. Their breathing heavy and their stares heavier. Finally Stan broke the tension, dropping his head to his hands and proceeding to rub his eyes. He was fast developing a headache of his own, and he was already late for work. "Ok, look this isn't getting us anywhere. Kare, just tell me where you got that cut from."

Karen's eyes froze in panic, her free hand falling to the small of her back, as she stared at her husband, wishing she could remember more of the night before. Her mouth opened of its own accord, even though she didn't know what to say.

The words remained in her throat as the bedroom door was thrown open and Olivia burst in, school bag in hand, her eyes searching the room. When they landed on her Step-mother, she raised her arm and pointed at the small Fossil watch there.

"Karen are you ready yet? We're going to be late for school! And Mason's been waiting in the kitchen so long he's had two extra bowls of cereal and I've had to hide the milk to stop him making it three!"

Karen closed her mouth, slipping her shoe on and grabbed her bag and coat off the bed. Stan simply growled under his breath, knowing his chance had passed. He accepted the kiss Karen planted on his cheek as she moved passed him, and he squeezed her arm gently, letting her know there was no anger between them.

"Come on then Curly. We don't want your brother moving on to munching the kitchen countertops."

:ks:

Karen's heels clicked on the pavement as she walked the few steps from the Limousine to the aging building Jack was bouncing impatiently in front of. Looking up at the broken windows and crumbling paint work, a shiver ran through her body; she really didn't want to be here. Pulling her coat more tightly around herself, Karen finally stepped up beside Jack watching as he hunted around for something in his pockets.

"Kare where did I…?"

"In your left back pocket." Karen answered Jack's unasked question, she just wanted to get this over with.

Jack reached into his pocket and drew out a small rectangle of paper, one word was written across the lines in black ink and Jack made a quick effort to learn it once more. Taking in a deep breath, he cleared his throat and reached out to tap the intercom.

"Jack…" Karen jumped into action, coming up behind him and whispering into his ear.

"Take it out of the Head voice." Jack nodded, making a huge effort of swallowing and drawing his voice from deeper within himself.

"Jack McFarland." Karen shook her head and sighed. How did he always manage to go higher when she said that?

There was some shuffling on the other side and then the door buzzed open. Jack giggled excitedly and started to pull Karen by her hand. Karen smiled at him, allowing herself to be drawn towards the unlocked door. Her smile faded and her feet stopped moving when the next words came out of the speaker.

"Mr Fischer is expecting you."

 

**Pull**

_"Come on Kare, we're going to be late, why do you have to take so much time with your make-up?"_

**Drag**

_"If you weren't so disobedient, I wouldn't be forced to punish you and then there'd be nothing to cover up now would there?"_

**Trip**

_"Damn it Karen why are you always so clumsy? Mr Fischer is waiting for you, and we will not make him wait! Do you hear me?_

**Slap**

_"That's just incase you misbehave while I'm not there. Fischer is going to teach you a lesson you need to learn Karen. A lesson only he can give you."_

 

"Karen! What's taking so long? This is really important to me! We don't have time for you to have a drug induced black-out." Jack was tugging her arm sharply, his features set into a scowl as his gaze moved from her to the partially open door and then back again.

Karen smiled at him apologetically, squeezing his hand for good measure and shook off the memories of the past. There was no way it was the same Fischer. The world wasn't that cruel to her.

: ks :

Will looked up from his computer as the office door clicked open. The sudden sounds of the hallway invading the peaceful silence of the room. For a moment he was surprised to see Grace's boyfriend standing there. Considering Grace lived with him, Will had seen very little of Lucas, so it seemed unusual to him that he'd appear in his office without Grace.

"Lucas. What can I do for you? Grace is in her office if it's her you're looking for." Will stood, coming around his desk and taking the other man's hand in his own. "Wow, your hands are soft." Will stopped, blushing slightly, releasing Lucas's hand.

Lucas smiled, showing off his pearly teeth. He brought up his hand and gripped Will's shoulder. "Oh Will, you flatter me." In that moment, Will realised just what Grace saw in Lucas. It was a shame the man wasn't gay; Will could see himself settling down with someone just like Lucas St. Croix. As he directed Lucas to a chair, Will remembered that this man was Grace's new boyfriend…so the odds were that eventually Will would have a chance.

Taking his own seat once more, Will turned back to Lucas, still wondering why he was there at all. "So Lucas, why are you here? You're not in need of a lawyer are you?" Another rich client and he was sure to make Partner this year.

"Oh no Will, I already have a perfectly good lawyer. I would come over to you in a heartbeat, I've heard some great things about you, but there's a small firm back home and well, my business keeps him afloat."

Inside his head, Will sighed. Was there anything wrong with this man? He could see now why Karen hadn't wanted to stay married to him. He was obviously too good and pure for the Ice Queen.

"No Will, what I want from you is a little information on what Grace likes. I know it's still a little early, but Christmas is only two weeks away, and I really want to make sure I get her a present she'll love."

Will lent back in his chair, giving Lucas a once over, a small smile coming to his face. "This must be pretty serious if you're thinking ahead two weeks."

A smile spread across Lucas's face too as he spoke but Will missed the gleam in his eye.

"Oh it is. I mean, it's still early days, but I haven't felt this way in a long time. Not since…" He paused, his smile slipping, and Will bent forward in sympathy. "Not since Karen. It's so great Will, to finally look at a woman and not see Karen's face."

Lucas watched in pride as the lawyer's eyes turned sharp at the mention of Karen. There was obviously more than dislike there now, and he had barely had to work on him; it seemed his loyalty to Grace was far stronger than any positive feelings he'd ever had for her assistant. As Will started talking about Grace's likes and dislikes, Lucas sat back, a smile on his face. This was easy, so easy. It wouldn't take long at all before he got what he wanted. He'd have it by the Spring he was certain. Absently his mind wandered to where Karen would be now, and his smile grew. He hoped she was as eager to reacquaint with Fischer as the man himself was.

: ks :

Karen approached the front desk apprehensively. Something didn't feel right. She'd been in the waiting room for almost an hour since Jack was herded away into a back room and there was absolutely no one around. Leaning over the counter she half expected to find the receptionist's lifeless eyes staring back at her. Finding only dirty carpet, Karen sighed, shaking her head at herself; she had to stop watching horror movies with Jack. Turning back around, preparing for another hour of filing her nails, she was surprised to find someone standing in front of her, far too close. Her eyes turned cold as they rose up to see who had dared to infringe on her personal space, when they reached an aging face her blood turned to ice, pumping cold through her veins.

"Mrs. St. Croix, it's been a long time hasn't it?" Karen could only stare at Fischer, her mind stuck on how wrong she had been; the world was this cruel. "I asked Lucas about you. Said you'd gone away for a while, that you'd be back. I waited for you, your husband always keeps his word, and now here you are. Just as gorgeous as you were before." Fischer reached out a hand, lightly caressing her face, his fingers stroking up and down her cheek. Karen shivered at the touch, her eyes closing on instinct, trying to block everything out. "I missed you, I did Ren. But I knew you'd come back to me, just like Lucas said." Karen's eyes shot open at the hated nickname but seeing the look in Fischer's eyes, she wished she'd kept them closed. "Do you remember that first time Ren? When Lucas first asked me to photograph you. Remember how much fun that was? How much fun every time was. It's going to be so much better this time, you've been away too long Ren, too long."

Karen tried to turn away, tried to block out the memories of every day with this man, but just as they had at the mention of his name before, the images and sounds filled her head, drawing her back to the time she'd longed to forget, the time she'd lost herself.

 

**Gasp**

_"She's still a beauty Lucas. I can see why you keep bringing her to me. That face, those eyes, they deserve to be photographed over and over."_

**Bang**

_The door slammed shut as her husband left, he came closer, eyes passing over her body, making her feel cheap, dirty. Don't let him see._

**Flash**

_The camera went off, each flash something else was removed; shirt, skirt, bra._

_Don't fight. No fear. Not weak._

**Shiver**

_"Are you cold Ren? I can help."_

_Hand on her cheek, on her shoulder, sliding down, slowly, slowly._

_Stay still, don't fight._

**Shudder**

_"You like this don't you Ren? This is what you want."_

_Down, down. Her body trembles as his hands slide lower, every inch he touches something dies._

_Up against the wall, his hands on her thigh, her breast, rubbing; rough and raw._

_"I have you Ren, you need this. You need me. Tell me!"_

**Silence**

_Hands press harder, pinches on her breast, her breathing comes sharp and fast._

_Don't break._

_His hand slides up her leg, around and past her folds; he takes no care as he slides a finger into her._

_"You need me. Tell me!"_

**Zip**

_His clothes fall to the floor, he stands before her, and she struggles not to vomit. One hand at her neck, the other at her hip. He pushes in, and she cries out from the pain._

_Don't fight, it hurts more._

_She waits, he moves and she wonders why it doesn't hurt anymore. The mirror shows them, she has to look away from her dead eyes. Broken._

_"I need you."_

 

She tried to back away, her eyes flying around the room looking for anything, anyone that would help. She couldn't handle him now. First Lucas, now Fischer. It was too hard.

Fischer smiled at her, his eyes glittering in the artificial light.

"So you do remember me Ren. I knew you would. You need me too much to forget."

Seeing no way out, Karen drew herself up as tall as she could. Wrapping her walls around her, bringing up a fake air of confidence and strength.

"I don't need you Fischer. I never did. You disgust me and if you touch me again I will kill you." She had hoped to surprise him, distract him enough to make her escape, except Fischer didn't seem fazed at all.

"Lucas warned me you were more feisty Ren. He was right again. He's always right. That's why you came back; because he was right and you needed me. You'll be back again." This last was said quietly as Fischer lent in and pressed a kiss to Karen's cheek. She cringed from the contact, but her glare remained steady.

The sound of a door opening down the corridor made Fischer look away quickly. Karen could plainly hear the sound of Jack's laughter and had never felt more grateful for anything in her life. Fischer moved away from her, walking backwards, his eyes never leaving her own. He disappeared behind a door just as Jack entered the room, a stack of paper's in his hand, chatting loudly with a man she'd never seen before.

"See you in a few days then Jack! It was nice meeting you." The man smiled and waved to Jack, before leaving the room, and heading for the main doors.

She watched Jack approach her, but made no move to greet him.

"I can't do it again." The words were muttered and meant only for herself, but Jack caught them, and reached out for her confused.

At Jack's touch Karen flinched before recognizing him.

"Kare?"

Karen looked at him, his confused and worried expression was adorable, but she couldn't tell him. He looked up to her as being strong; having no weakness, except money. She couldn't ruin that image.

"Nothing Poodle. It's nothing. I just can't come back here with you. The décor gives me a headache." She looked at her friend's pout and forced a smile on her face. "But I'll make it up to you Jackie. How about we go to Barneys and get you a "New Job" gift? What do you say?"

Jack gave one last pout, before a grin shot across his face and he danced out of the door, dragging Karen with him.

"Jack Happy, Jack Happy."

The doors shut behind them and Karen took a deep breath of the city air before following Jack back to her Limo. She didn't see the man watching from the top window of the building. Nor did she notice the figure in the black sedan even as he made a signal to the man in the window before pulling away. The Limo started moving, joining the traffic and taking Karen away from the ghosts of her past.

The man in the window lit another cigarette, puffing clouds of smoke out into the afternoon air. She'd be back, she'd always be back because Lucas said so, and he was always right.


	10. Unraveling Soul

_You tie your shoes too tight, you know,  
'cause it feels better that way  
and when you don't, all night, you are dreaming,  
you walk, laces streaming down the street behind you  
a river of tangled string you are unraveling_  
(Unraveling, Deb Talan)

 

"It's not like I actually have to work. Just be myself, you know? Just..." He shuddered dramatically. "well, straight."

Jack paused to take a handful of potato crisps from the big bowl on the coffee table.

"Yes, but you do know that you have to learn the script, don't you Jack?" Will didn't look like he expected Jack to know that, and the surprised expression that appeared on the other man's face wasn't wholly unpredicted.

"Well…" Karen huffed a small laugh at her Poodle. He really was lost in his own world sometimes. He'd dragged her back to Will's place straight after his meeting and had ignored all of her objections. They'd almost made it to Barney's, but Jack excitement had exceeded his need of all things shiny and new, and so three hours later she found herself here; sipping the red wine Will had rather begrudgingly handed her and listening to the two men have the same conversation over and over again while she tried to contain the trembling her body was determined to do. As she watched the red liquid ripple out in the glass she decided she wasn't all that successful with that last one.

She couldn't get the monster out of her mind for more than a moment at a time. The alcohol she had been able to consume hadn't been nearly enough, and she was still a little adverse to taking too much, the headache from the previous night's activities hadn't left her yet, though she doubted if it was just caused by too much over indulgence. So much had happened since she woke up this morning. Did it make her a coward if all she wanted to do was climb back into bed with Stanley and never leave?

She had scrubbed her cheek almost raw, trying to get the feel of his hand off of her. It made her feel dirty and used. She hadn't felt that way in so long, and all she wanted was for the feeling to go away. Pretending it hadn't happened wouldn't work, she'd figured that out on the ride to Will's. She had even tried to convince herself that it had just been a parting action, a way of saying goodbye between friends. Except they weren't friends, and that certainly hadn't had the atmosphere of goodbye, all he'd said, and all the memories he had purposefully stirred up; he was just saying hello.

The sound of the apartment's door opening brought Karen from her dark thoughts, and she lifted her head to see Grace enter. She tried a small smile, but it went unreturned before it dropped from her face completely when she saw the man behind the red-head.

Lucas stepped into the apartment a smug expression falling instantly onto his face. So Karen had remembered Fischer then. That was good. So was the shaken tension that literally oozed off of her. He really had forgotten how much fun breaking her the first time had been.

Grace shifted in front of him, moving to pour them both a drink, and Lucas allowed a smirk to twist his features as he greeted the other men. He wondered just how much he had affected Karen already. Time to find out.

"Hi Karen. I spoke to Fischer after you and Jack left, said you made quite the impression on him. Apparently he's very interested in getting to know you all over again. I gave him your address, I hope that was okay. I remember how much you used to like your, um, _meetings._"

The change was almost instant in Karen. The words echoed through her mind, dragging with them the images she had been trying to control all day. The thought of that man talking to her again, touching her, kissing her and now, even in her own home, the one place the horrors of her previous life had never touched, wasn't safe anymore. And he would come there; she knew that, if Lucas said he would, then that's what would happen. Unbidden the image of Fischer touching her, on her bed, her and Stanley's bed, passed across her mind and she barely had time to run across the small room and into the bathroom, before her stomach forced itself up and out her throat.

Lucas barely contained his smirk at the shocked looks on the faces of the others. He did notice, however, that no one moved to follow her, not even her _precious_ Poodle. It was almost too easy.

"I'll go check up on her. Must have been something she got at Fischer's." He turned to Jack. "Did he provide any food for you two?"

Jack thought for a moment, still confused over Karen's reaction. In all their time as friends he couldn't think of one instant where she had gotten sick like this.

"Um, no nothing for me, but Karen did spend some time with him while they gave me the first script, maybe he gave her something then."

This time Lucas did smirk as he headed for the bathroom. Oh he gave her something, he always did.

: ks :

She had barely reached the toilet before her stomach moved to release its contents. Falling to her knees, Karen grasped the sides of the bowl as she heaved. Unable to hear anything over the sound of her own mind and stomach, she never noticed the bathroom door opening and Lucas entering, nor the sound of the bolt clicking locked as he closed the door.

Lucas moved from the door to lean a hip against the sink, a smile spreading across his face as he watched the brunette in front of him. It was not very often that Karen could be found throwing up, only when he had been forced to kick her hard to the stomach would she ever usually react this way. Of course, she had done the same the first few times he had left her with Fischer. But then almost suddenly the reactions had stopped and Karen hadn't seemed to care anymore. No that wasn't right. She had started to enjoy Fischer's attentions. Why else would she stop feeling nauseous after a visit with him? Lucas had always known what the photographer was doing to Karen, it had been necessary after all. Karen needed to be taught lessons that way, always had, and Fischer never minded playing teacher for that particular subject.

Lucas was broken from his musing by the sound of the toilet flushing. He snapped his attention back to Karen but she had yet to turn, and he knew his presence had not been noticed yet.

Karen raised her head as her stomach finally stilled and she was sure there was no more liquid in her anyway. Flushing, she ran a shaky hand across her face, trying to shake off the unsteadiness. She turned to the sink, intending to wash her face and instead caught sight of Lucas, his body in a casual lean and a predatory smile on his face that she knew all too well.

"Hello Kare." Neither could tear their eyes away, as though they had somehow been glued to each other. Lucas could feel his pleasure rising at the broken look that flashed through Karen's eyes. It didn't stay there for long and he knew that it was just a reflection of the past, but it fueled his hope. He would get her, it wouldn't be instant but it would happen.

Karen for her part was fighting down another wave of nausea. There was nothing good in Lucas' eyes, and she wondered again what she had ever seen in him. She could tell how much he was enjoying seeing her like this, and that knowledge pushed her from her distress, straight into white hot fury. Her hand rose and struck out almost before she realised what she was doing. Somehow Lucas had predicted the movement, and had his own hand up ready to catch hers. She groaned as he twisted, turning her around until her back faced his chest, and her arm was held bent between them, her shoulder joint straining.

Lucas' breath was hot on her neck as he bent slightly to whisper in her ear.

"Now, now Karen, you know what happens when you're naughty." He flicked his tongue out, and she squirmed, ignoring the pain that action caused, when she felt the wet muscle circling her earlobe. He pulled her arm a little tighter and she stilled when a bolt of pain shot through it. "Hold still Kare-Kare, I think we need to go over your lessons again, it's been so long, you seem to have forgotten them."

His lips came down to her collarbone and dipping beneath her top, he bit down hard until she was forced to bite her own lip to keep a cry in. Finally he let her go and she spun on the spot to face him again. Before she had a chance to react, his hand swung up and slapped her across the cheek.

"Lesson one. No hitting." Her eyes dropped to the bathroom floor and she hated herself for nodding in acceptance; she had thought she was better than that. She didn't raise her gaze until she heard the lock unlatching and the door swinging open, Will's chuckling breaking into the world they had created. "Let's see if you're a quicker learner now than you were Karen. Let's see." And then he left, leaving the door open and Karen had only enough time to pull her hair down to cover her cheek before she followed him out, hoping she looked calmer than she felt.

: ks :

"Do you really have to go now Kare?" Karen barely controlled a flinch at the nickname; it wasn't Jack's fault after all.

"Sorry Poodle, but I have to get back for Rosie and the Kids." She paused for a moment waiting, and then as she saw the corners of Jack's eyes crinkle, she forced a laugh along with him. "No, I've really got to go, pills to pop, alcohol to drink…" She trailed off when she noticed his attention move from her to someone over her shoulder. It didn't take much for her to decide that it was Lucas standing in Will and Grace's doorway, the hairs standing up on the back of her neck told her that. With a controlled shudder she moved past Jack to the elevator, wanting to be as far away from her ex-husband as she could get. Unfortunately, the elevator picked that moment to move as slowly as possible and the time enabled Lucas to move closer and begin talking.

"We forgot to tell you Karen." At the 'we' Karen finally saw Grace where she stood, tucked against Lucas' side. "Grace agreed to move in with me. Isn't that great?"

It took all the power she had left not to scream at the self satisfied expression on the man's face. While Grace grinned and Jack jumped around like a possessed monkey, asking if he could have her room, even though he was currently standing outside of his own apartment, Karen thanked the Heavens that the lift had finally arrived.

"Well it's about time she and Wilma split completely, can't be healthy living with a failed relationship like that." As she spoke she stepped into the elevator, willing the doors closed. Just as they did she heard Grace mutter something that sounded suspiciously like "jealous bitch" but that could have been her recently overactive imagination. Safely shut away from the others she allowed only one word to slip from her mouth as all the day's revelations piled on top of her.

"Shit."

: ks :

She didn't remember much of the drive back to the Manse. She found that she couldn't remember much of the day at all; only the groundbreaking moments seemed willing to stay with her. Such was the irony of her life.

She looked up from her lap as the limo door was opened, and Driver stood waiting for her, his hand outstretched as though to help her out. Normally she loved the way the old man would treat her like royalty. Queens and Princesses were held by a kind gentleman as they left a car after all. But not today, she couldn't bear the thought of anyone touching her, not even Driver. So instead she slid away to the other door and let herself out, pointedly ignoring the driver's shocked look.

A few moments later and she was standing outside her own door. Reaching inside her purse, she pulled out her keys, surprisingly unwilling to make Rosario open the door for her. The keys turned silently in the lock, and she pushed the door open slowly, hoping to remain unnoticed. She refused to think about what she had become in only a few hours; sneaking into her own house like a common whore. Barely pausing long enough to ensure that the door closed just as quietly, she toed off her heels and holding them in her hands, walked on tip-toes up the main staircase.

She didn't know what to expect as she entered her bedroom. Maybe Stan waiting on the bed, ready to continue the morning's argument. She couldn't believe that had been only a few hours ago. But what she found was a single white tulip atop a folder sheet of paper sitting in the center of the large bed.

Dropping her shoes, bag and coat, Karen pulled herself up onto the bed, sliding back until she rested against the headboard. She picked up the tulip and smiled to herself, Stan was always amazed at how much she preferred one single flower to a whole bunch. She brought the delicate petals up to her nose, and took a deep soothing breath of the sweet scent. Unfolding the letter, the small smile fell from her face as she read Stan's words.

 

_Sweetheart,_

_I know that we had things to discuss tonight, but the office rang, they need me to make some late night conference calls. I won't be home until mid-morning._

_We will talk about last night Karen, something happened and I'm worried about you, even if you're determined to act like you're made of ice. I know you, I love you, and I won't let anything hurt you. You know that._

_Have a good night Kare, I'll be thinking of you while I'm in these meetings; thinking of you in our bed, barely dressed in my favourite negligee, your hair spread across the pillow, my name on your lips…_

_Stanley._

 

It was a bittersweet look that passed over Karen's eyes as she reached the end of the letter. Only now did she realise how much she needed Stan's presence tonight. His steadiness was often the only thing that could keep her grounded. There were her pills, of course, and alcohol, but that was more like floating above her problems, than staying settled and letting them wash over her.

: ks :

Olivia approached for Step-mother's door cautiously. She had heard the quiet movements as Karen entered the Manse, and then moments later her room, and unlike the previous night, there had been no load bumps to wake her, or drunken giggles. Still, a sober Karen wasn't as predictable as a high one, and far less common. However this was important, and she needed to know now, otherwise she would never get any sleep.

Creeping closer, she caught sight of Karen hunched at the top of the bed. With a sort of _now or never_ internal shrug, Olivia cleared her throat loudly, and watched in amazement as Karen's figure jumped and seemed to flinch further into itself. Wide-eyed the young girl waited anxiously for the older woman's eyes to seek her out. When they didn't, she took a concerned step forward, moving herself into Karen's line of sight.

"Karen?" This time there was no movement at all and then Karen's eyes seemed to focus, losing their glazed expression and Olivia found herself facing the Karen she knew.

"Yes Curley?" Olivia allowed a moment to wonder what had just happened, but then she remembered the reason for this visit, and shuffled self-consciously where she stood.

"Well, Karen, it's just that…I mean I wanted to ask if…There's this…" She stumbled awkwardly over the words, and Karen was overcome by a sense of pity.

"If you could wrap this up soon 'Livia, some of us need to get our beauty sleep." Oddly the sharp words seemed to help, because the next time the girl opened her mouth, she seemed to have gained her confidence back.

"Well I'm sorry Cruella, if I'm keeping you from something that important, I won't waste any more of your time. I just wanted to know if you would come to the next parent/teacher night tomorrow, because it's earlier than usual, and Dad's still going to be at work, and well, Iwantyoutocome." The last part was spoken fast and almost as a whisper, but Karen heard it just the same.

"Sure I'll be there shorty, it's not like I'd want to miss an opportunity to hear how much of a goody two shoes you are." Olivia grinned at the familiar tease, and nodded her head as though something had just been proven to her.

"Just don't bring Jack again, okay? The guys at school still haven't forgotten him from last time!" She left the room before Karen could reply, the grin still on her face. At least she wouldn't have to ring her real mom now, Karen would be there. Not like the other woman would have come anyway, she had never taken any interest in either of her children's school lives.

Thoughts light as a child's should be, Olivia switched on her television, flicking through the channels contentedly, unknowing of the anguish within the woman in the room next door.

: ks :

Karen watched her Step-daughter leave, already making a note to go to the school tomorrow evening. Rosario would know the exact time, she was sure. She was still annoyed with herself internally for the way she had reacted to the girl's entrance. The day really had unnerved her far more than she was willing to admit to herself.

Feeling her hand cramping, she looked at it, and saw that she had clenched it tight around Stan's letter. Loosening her grip instantly, she tried to smooth out the crumpled paper, but it was no use, and the more she tried, the more it seemed to crease, until little tears appeared where her fingers passed over it ripping the words apart. The ink began to blur as water hit, making it run, and Karen tried hard to hold back her tears. It was just a letter, a note really, it didn't deserve this much of a reaction. But still she couldn't stop herself, and knowing somewhere inside her that it wasn't just the paper that was beginning to break, she stopped fighting and slipped down to lie on the bed. Burying her head in Stan's pillow, sobs wracked her frame.

When they finally stopped, she was too exhausted to do anything but drift into a restless sleep, her last thought before falling into the darkness was that perhaps Stan being away tonight was for the best after all. No one could see her like this.

 

...


End file.
